Saturday, January 28, 2012

There once was a family who lived in a small, yet very comfortable house. There was a husband, who liked to play saxophone and had a keen interest in miniatures. There was a wife, who liked to dance in the kitchen and write down ideas she would think about, just for fun. And there was a baby girl, who liked to sleep in her mother and father's arms, and would sing if her parents, or her grandmother, or anyone else, for that matter, would sing.

They all disliked things, as well. For instance, the husband and father, he did not like when towels were folded in an asymmetrical way. And the mother and wife, she did not like when the cat would throw up. And the baby didn't like when the mother and father tried to clear out her nose with the little white bulb-thing with the pointy tube. She didn't like that one bit.

But despite all these things, the family lived together, and laughed together, and cried together, and leaned on each other, because they loved each other. And people who love do all of these things.

So, one day, it was a very snowy day, the family was cuddled up inside of the house.

The Grandpa came to the house with a box of donuts from the local baker. "Try this!" he said with a grin. "A cinnamin donut, right out of the oven!" 

There was no argument there. The donut was eaten, within one minute and thirty seconds.

"Delicious," the mother said.

"Delicious," the father said.

"Zzz", the baby said, for she was asleep in her mother's arms. She also smiled in her sleep, for this was one of her favorite activities.

After the donut was eaten, discussed, and decidedly enjoyed by all in the room, it was time to get down to business.

The drier was broken. 

For things in this little house seem to break often. And it is often a puzzling thing, to find out how they can be fixed.

So the father and the grandpa went into the basement and found there was a piece to the drier that needed replacing.

And off they went.

And the mother and wife wrote down what had happened, because that is what she liked to do, sometimes, for fun. 

And now she's written an entry for her blog in a different way, which is something she had been longing to experiment with.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Right now it is dark in the living room.

I am drinking Pomegranate tea.

The baby fell asleep again, while I was washing out her bottle.

She woke up at 5:30 this morning.

She brings me peace.

Saturday, January 14, 2012

I haven't written in a few days, and I have so much to say.

This really has been a very busy week. 

Rather than writing a post longer than the Illiad, I will choose to write a post here and there over the next few days, to empty out all these thoughts filling up my mind (so I can make room for more, of course. It's getting rather crowded with thoughts in there).

The first thing I wanted to post is a poem by e.e. cummings, along with a quote from a song by the Beatles. They both sum up one thing I've been thinking a lot about: letting things go, so that life can be okay.

I have always tried to "go with the flow" as much as I can.

Lately I have seen in my own life and in others, so many things happen that seem so overpowering, and daunting. There are so many people going through life as if they were - what looks to me - traveling with almost insurmountable mountains in their way.

And it is very scary, and very real. And I want to help them all, but I don't know how of course. But, I do know that I took the advice of this poem once, a few years ago - and my life changed. I learned to let some things go - and so much happiness flowed into my life, it was like a spicket of water that just kept on coming.

After I let go of whatever was getting to me, Stevie came into my life. He really picks me up when I'm down, and is a great sounding board for what I'm thinking about (although, you guys are, too of course!), and really helps me to push a picture back into perspective, if it has fallen out of whack.

And Stevie came into my life after I let things go. 

And then I was working for years doing something that just took everything out of me, and made me really sad, a lot, and then I let it go.

And my new job came into my life, that I love more and more every day, working with people who really make me happy, too.

In the middle of all of that, a baby came into our lives. And she has changed both Stevie and my life, by a billion trillion times, and making our lives a billion trillion times better. 

(I want to go to Church every Sunday for the sole purpose of thanking God for our baby girl. And then the things that happen in life - the things I see happening to other people - that makes me want to keep praying, too. For everybody.)

So, my point is: if you let it go, you'd be surprised what happens to your life. And I think you know what "it" is...whatever "it" is. 

And also there are so many ways of letting "it" go. Anyway - this is highly recommended.

Here is the poem first - "Let it go" by e.e. cummings.
let it go - the
smashed word broken
open vow or
the oath cracked length
wise - let it go it
was sworn to
let them go - the
truthful liars and
the false fair friends
and the boths and
neithers - you must let them go they
were born
to go
let all go - the
big small middling
tall bigger really
the biggest and all
things - let all go

so comes love

And, of course, the Beatles quote is "Let it be". Same message. Great, great advice.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Stevie and I went out to dinner, just the two of us, for the first time in months on Saturday. It was a Christmas gift from my older sister to babysit.

We stayed out exactly two hours.

It was hard to stay away from the little girlie! But, it was fun. We went to a Mexican restaurant, and it was muy delicioso if I do say so myself. 

It has been a very busy week, and it is only Tuesday. I JUST have finished all chores for the day. I think I'm going to go read a half a sentence on my Kindle and fall asleep.

Goodnight, folks.

Saturday, January 7, 2012

When do people stop saying how old their babies are in months?

I once met a person who told me her child was 43 months old. 

I still don't know how old her kid was.

I am thinking after a year? Or, you might say "A year and two months"....or something?

It is 4:30 in the morning....I woke up at 3 to feed Corinne....but we both slept for 7 hours! It was great! We went to sleep at 8 pm....then she was up for about an hour while I fed, changed, burped, changed, fed, burped, swaddled, rocked her, fake fell asleep while I rocked to try and trick her into sleeping, delightfully realized it either worked or she was just still super tired and then put her back to bed. 

Then, I checked some email, had the feeling it was September, realized it wasn't September, and then thought..."I should go back to bed."

And then I thought, "I'm totally going to write in my blog first."

And then I did.

And that is the story of my last hour and a half.

Before I go - just wanted to thank the "fans" for all comments! I really appreciate them! You guys are the greatest! ;)

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

I fell asleep tonight at 8:30.

Then I woke up to feed Corinne at 1:20.

I am going back to bed soon, but I wanted to write something while I was up. is a quick list.

5 things you may not know about me:

5. When I don't wear mascara, it looks like I have no eyelashes. I used to HATE that. Now I kind of don't.

4. It took me four times to watch the first Lord of the Rings movie. I always fell asleep when we were still in the Shire. Shire. So comfy there.

3.  My whole life I wanted to go to Disney World soooooo much. Then I married Stevie, and his family goes every other year.

2. ee cummings is my favorite.

1. When I was pregnant, I actually ate pickles and ice cream one time. And it was delicious.


Tuesday, January 3, 2012

I should be sleeping right now.

I know I should.

But you know that feeling, when you should be sleeping, and you really want to sleep....but you just can't?

My mind is racing.

I'm listening to the Suburbs album by the Arcade Fire. It makes me so emotional.

Right now "Half Light 1" is playing.

Corinne is sleeping, and Steve is playing a video game.

The house is clean. I am covered in a pretty thick blanket, it is over my head. It is six degrees outside. 

The kitchen light is on; it is warm and dark in the house where I sit.

I just ate some pudding - you know that dessert with the vanilla and the chocolate and the graham crackers inside that get soggy and delicious.

Ever since Corinne was born, I feel time pushing me forward even faster than it did before. 

It feels like a hand pushing me forward.

Sometimes I feel like the Squire from the Sword in the Stone. I feel like I am making guesses as to what I should do next, sometimes. And it almost feels like Merlin is there telling me what I should do next. And Merlin is like my conscience. 

I had too much caffeine today. 

This is what my thoughts are like when I have too much caffeine.

(2 and a half cups). 

Choppy -

Fast ;


It's already 11 o'clock pm.
This is what I mean. It's already 11 pm and I'm 27 and Steve's 28 and our two month old baby is asleep in the basinett.

And now I'm listening to "Suburban War" by the Arcade Fire.

I don't want this moment to end, so I start writing.
And I try to explain the emotions I'm feeling, but sometimes I really think there are no words to express that - and I do not think it is cliche to say because how can something be cliche if it is how you really feel?

Although, even though words can't always express exactly what you are thinking down to the tears behind your eyes...sometimes they at least can come pretty close.

I feel like I want to hit the brakes and just exist right in this moment for a little while more.
11:03. Time goes so fast.

When I was in 7th grade I went to the zoo and I looked out the window in the car and it was raining and I thought to myself, "I wonder how long it will be until I am old and gray and thinking about this moment."

It is already 15 years later, and all I did was blink.

And so many changes happen in a blink.

So many people coming and going. So many rooms you are in, so many skies you sit under, so many sounds and lights and smiles and tears and held breaths and closed eyes and exhales.

Sometimes Corinne laughs one second and then cries the next. 

I call it happysad. Corinne is feeling happysad.

I feel like that all the time.

I don't want moments to end. I don't like saying goodbye to people. I don't like not knowing what to say. I don't like feeling like I am digging my heels into the road and dust is billowing up into the skies like a coyote and road runner cartoon.

But I don't like all of that because I am happy to be here, to know what I know and who I know and it's all too complicated, but really, really simple.

I write this for so many reasons. I really do write this to be closer to you guys, and maybe to understand myself more, and maybe to just help me exhale sometimes.

I do find it more interesting and intriguing than I can ever explain that tomorrow exists.

Or this moment. 
I probably say that a lot, but it is like I live in a book.

A world where a person might know all the answers about the universe and galaxies and infinities infinities and what all that exists in....who is trapped in his own body, like Stephen Hawking...he feels like a character in a book to me.
Giraffes and Elephants feel like exotic made up creatures from a book.
Sitting in my living room talking to hundreds of people at one time is like something from a book.
I guess I am easily amused.

Or maybe I just feel like a lot of people do...
I'm going to try not to be so sad about the passing of time.

There is so much ahead of me, I have no time for that, anyway.

I guess.

Time travel really is difficult. Especially forward.

Monday, January 2, 2012

Went to the grocery store the other day
New Year's Eve - so cold, so gray
Not the weather I mean, but the stone hearted people
driving through the steets like mean little weezels
With little beady eyes and eyebrows pointed down
Facing all of that, I should have earned a crown!

Who is that I see?
Don King? The Flea?
An oranguatang man over there, by the teas?

Doesn't matter at all, they're all going a million miles
even though there is no room for such movement in these aisles.

OH no! Forgot the cheese. Got to go back!

The holidays, the holidays, they bring out such the meanies
who park in all the spaces
and bump into you
buicks kareening

and once you're in the store
then it gets worse
the aisles are clogged with toady trolls
and castlevania jerks

what should take ten minutes
takes one thousand fifty-two
and when it's all over
make sure to adjust the rear-view

for before you are ready
to drive out of sight
you've got to brave the parking lot
and all the traffic lights

but finally when you're home
and you're unloading your loot
you can let it all go
unwind and reboot

and if you're like me
alive to tell the tale
you can write a little poem
and breathe and exhale

because by the time you write this
the holidays are through
and if you're lucky some Christmas wine
is left, also, and too.