Monday, November 4, 2013

I wrote this very short story last year. I suppose this is the right time to post it.

Have a nice Monday night, to all who are reading this (and all who are not).


The shape of a man, an older man, sat.

The man was rounded in spots that were once sharp and pointed. He sat on a faded park bench, under an oak tree in the park.
So many trees surround the old one, sitting sadly and solemnly, his figure is disappearing beneath the leafy hut of branches. His wrinkled ears perk to the sound of the wind through the branches and the drying, falling leaves.
Falling. Disappearing. “Strange words,” the man uttered, out loud, almost too loudly. The statement echoed through the leaves.
The sun is setting.
Sunlight fell down on him as though it were rain. Heavy drops of rain after a long, steady draught. The drops of sunlight opened and shut in his eyes. And all the while he looked onward, into the fading day.

A grumble. A grunt. Aggravated silence.

Sunrises, sunsets, sunshine. The sun once stood with outstretched hands, the whole world was never-ending sunlight. Now the sun falls down, relentlessly, down, down, down, with heavy hands.

“Isn’t it strange,” he thought to himself, “That all my life is a life behind podiums, standing up tall and making decisions.” He sighed and looked the other way. Frowning? No, not quite. But his lips pressed together while shadowy thoughts churned through the ratification processes and withdrawing pulse of his brain.
He paused. He sighed. Sunlight winked at him in the puddle by his left foot.

“So many people counted on me,” he grunted out, this time out loud, this time his thoughts grew into words for his audience. His audience of leaves, shaking with the chill of the Fall, hoping to land where snow will blanket them and tuck them in at night.
Hope spills through fallen leaves just as it spills through the night sky as bright stars, or the soft prayers of little children, before they go to sleep.
“So many people counted on me,” he said these words in a broken voice this time. Pieces of words strung together in a hopeless sentence. A sentence quivering and shaking before an audience of fallen leaves and unbreakable wind with glares from the setting sun.
“And now, where are they? Where do they sit while I sit? Where do they stand?”
His face folded and creased, mimicking a leaf – mimicking the leaf, sitting delicately on his shoulder.

A little girl walks with her mother on the lane, holding her hand. Her hair is in pigtails, her dress is blue. She skips sometimes, because she is happy and because her mother is near and most of all because it is still sunny out.
She is holding her mother’s hand while she skips, and sometimes she twirls in her dress and sometimes she asks for an ice cream cone. “Vanilla with sprinkles? Just this once?”
Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.
The girl’s other hand clutches a green balloon. Bright Kelly green like the grass on a baseball field, or the green flecks in her mother’s eyes that stand out on Sunday, at church, during “Amazing Grace”.
Sometimes hope sings. Sometimes hope dances.
“Strange words,” the girls hear. The woman and her baby. The woman and the girl.
“Look, Mommy,” the little one says with a squeak.
Her mother turns to see him, sitting up straight on the weathered park bench. Mahogony wood scratched with unshapely hearts and broken, etched words.
A gasp. A pause.
“Mr. President,” she whispers, solemnly.
He sees them. He waves. The old man stretches out his hand.
“Hello. Hello.” An echo; a smile; a sunny disposition.
She waves, brightly.
Her balloon flies free into the fading sun.

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Hi, Everybody.

I have another poem for you this week. I wrote it fairly recently. I hope you like it.

Happy Tuesday, everyone.


The book spilled open on the blanket
underneath the willow tree
pages pushing through the wind
now speeding to page 53

Words falling into the breeze
for a moment all sentences mix
but the book slams shut the next instant
as the picnicker comes back to sit

In the distance he hears the ocean
The wave song now lulls him to sleep - 
He's dreaming of days gone past;
Dreams never were his to keep.

He wakes up and blinks at the twilight
The breeze lulls him back to the car
He picks up his book and his blanket
And drives beneath gallons of stars

Driving home he feels a bit better
from his day spent reading, alone
The sun has set now, off yonder
And his heart, it pulls to be home

The breeze gently pushes his bumper
The moon calls his name o're the bend
 Book bindings squish words in the backseat
And the stars light his way home again.

Monday, October 14, 2013

Well - 

Here we are. 

It's been a while, right?

I've been writing. So, I thought - 

I'd like to include my old friends....

I'm going to try to post on this once a week. 

 I just, I want to write, 

and keep writing. I've been writing, re-writing, and editing my novel.

If I were sculpting it, the thing would have shape to it, and from a far, far

distance, would look like a beautiful thing. But up close, however, especially if you were equipped with bifocals, a flashlight, and a scratch to the head,  this sculpture

would clearly need things like arms and legs and a birthmark in the shape of Idaho 

on his left big toe.

I've been chipping away at it, nonetheless.

And when that novel is out, and free, and ready to be read by other readers, who are not you,

(but most especially you)

you can say you knew of that book before it even had arms or legs or a left big toe.

And that is my gift to you, because you are my reader...and because it's been so long, hasn't it?

I've also been typing out poems, with a Ticonderoga pencil in my teeth, or my hair, or next to my foot.

They are the best type of pencil, you know.

And I've just been thinking about this one thing, in the back of my mind, all the while:

I am a writer, and so, I've been writing on my own for a while, and, well, hows abouts I share

a little bit with you again? My friends. My readers. My audience.

My friends.

 If we were in Alice in Wonderland, you would be Alice and I would be a tiny strip of candy, with the words "Read Me" in large typeface, all over the packaging.

And then you would read me, and so you'd grow to be 100 feet tall, and, everybody would be all like, "I always knew that guy [girl] would grow up to be something."

That's how it would happen, I just know it.

I do hope you forgive my leave of absence. I do hope you are still reading this very sentence.

I have a feeling that you are.


I'll start off with a poem I wrote, about a month ago.

I was going to start off with a little anecdote of how I dreamt of a dinosaur-zombie apocalypse two nights ago, but, I'll keep that one in my pocket.

 That one's for keeps.

I hope you like this, oh readers {my readers}.

And away...we...go.


The family’s shoes are in the kitchen, stacked luminously,
These soles, they stretch and grasp at the moonlight, 
but the light, it hides, thin and wan behind the clouds.
Tepidly they sit, and wait, through the long sigh of the starless night;
Each soul is beaten and tattered,
Too many pathways,
Too much scuff.
Boots and sneakers alike, sandals and peep-toe lady shoes, they are all
the same, and
 of days past:
this smell does not smell like the glamorous wiff of daffodils or
You see, they do not stink of beauty,
but of restless nights and days walking in circles.
These penny loafers hold the stench of keeping up, two by two they
step up 
into cars and out
 onto the ruthless, empty gaze
of parking lots
 in the heat of a staring sunlight,
or the office kitchen, where coffee spills and falls like
acid rain.
Two by two they stop short beneath a desk, or a table,
beneath a sigh or long lost gaze,
 or suddenly these closed-toe pumps must face
 the unforgiving stare
of what lurks beneath the couch
for hours as the family stops
to take a moment
to take it all in.
No, these shoes do not smell of roses, but, 
instead, their leather is worn, like a grandmother’s soft hands,
a grandmother who kneaded a life out of nothing but
prayers whispered to a starless sky
just like tonight
just like many nights
but these soles, these souls, they wander and wait
Waiting, wading, through another day.
I can almost hear the footsteps, I can almost taste the pavement –
Too much pavement, too much of the same, too much of the unexpected -
Perhaps, Perhaps.
These soles, sitting in the dark, seem wary of another day; 
but still they wait, still they wait
still they are ready,
so come what may.

September 10, 2013

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Day 100.

I do not even know what to say. I just wrote every day for 100 days. I said I was going to, and then I did.

It inspires me and makes me sleepy at the same time. That happens to me a lot though - I will look at someone's accomplishment and it will both inspire me and make me sleepy for that person.

Oh, you ran a marathon? I am both inspired and so tired for you. I'm insptired.

Oh, you just created and hosted Thanksgiving dinner for every single one of your family members, including your Great Aunt Hilde who hates every kind of food and spits it right out onto her plate and says "Blah" but she doesn't really say it right because she doesn't have all of her teeth anymore? I am so Insptired right now.

Oh, you lost 60 pounds? Insptired. Me.

Oh, you.

Anyway - that is just what happens. I was even like that when I was little. I was pretty shy when I was really little. Mostly I appreciated all of the hyper kids who ran around, because they were very entertaining....but I was tired for them. So tired. Now I'm tired for their teachers and parents. Holy my goodness.

100 days. I can't thank you guys enough for being my audience through these 100 days. Even if you just popped in once - and then were curious today as to what I might say after 100 days.....thank you. I hope you had fun! I hope I made you a little bit happier. That's all I really want. I love you, my readers!!

Maybe sometime I'll check back in....

Maybe sometime I'll be a famous writer....

No matter what happens, you know what I'll be up to, even if you don't hear from me -

I'll be either sneaking an extra bite of cookie dough....taking a swim through my basement full of laundry a la Scrooge McDuck and his money room.....snugglin' my babe.....having a crazy conversation with my husband....lovin' on my dog....or writing the next great novel sensation to hit your town! I mean if they can make a movie out of Battleship, a game where you're just saying coordinates over and over....I feel like there has to be hope for commercializing what I'm busy writing up.

SO who knows what will happen in life. I'm just soooo happy that I have completed my 100 days! And I got to share a little bit with you....and you and you and you. You too.

And you.

Thank you everybody!!!

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Day 99

Seems I'm not alone in being alone....

That is how I feel. I feel like when I've been blogging and saying things, even REALLY random things, people talk to me about how they feel the same. It feels pretty nice knowing that even though people are really really different, some things really keep us together.

Man that came out so cheesy!!

Maybe it is my nerves again. I feel like I should have something profound to say for tomorrow. The 100th day. Maybe something profound will come. Maybe it won't. I really don't know. That usually happens, though. My nerves will cut into a situation - and it ends up being really good, or a pretty sizable mess.

Who knows, maybe it will just be one or two readers reading my 100th post. If it's you...thanks. Thank you all for reading.

We'll see what I have to say. I really have no idea what I'll have to say!

Right now I just want to say thanks...and...oh my goodness tomorrow is the 100th day!!!!!

Friday, May 18, 2012

Day 98

I got my haircut.

I am going to the farmer's market tomorrow.

Corinne laughed the entire way home from her Grandma and Papa's house today.

These are some things that make me happy.

The weather is supposed to be fantastic this weekend - hope you all have fantastically fantastic weekends!

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Day 97

I feel like I am finishing up a run or something - just a couple more minutes, just a couple more minutes. I always do that - tell myself, "Just a couple more minutes".

Only three more bloggin' days after this, and then my challenge is complete. Holy Moly Guacamole.

This whole experience has been great. I know a few things now - I'll have loyal fans if I ever become a famous writer.....I'm able to stick to the challenges I set for myself....I am capable of writing every day for 100 days....(ok I'm not at 100 days yet but I pretty much know this at day 97)....I absolutely love not watching t.v. (I started not watching t.v. around the same time I started this challenge. It is nice...I like having more time to do things I want to do)...I absolutely have a whole lot of inspiration for future ideas...(I've even entertained the idea of training for a half marathon....I might do it, people. And, if I do, I've already heard of a few people who said they might donate to the good cause I would run for!).....I've also been inspired for future writing adventures in my novel....I just think it has been a great experience all around.

I've even lost some weight - I guess if you're sticking to one goal you might as well stick to others, right?

I pretty happy about how I am very close to the end. I mean, completed goals are often celebrated....why not almost almost almost done goals, too?

Anyway -  it will be really strange on Monday to just go to work, and then come home....what will I do? The possibilities are endless....only....I won't be telling you about it.

Unless you stop by my house. Or try calling my phone, but I must admit I've been very, very bad with checking my phone lately. Or you could call Steve, I guess. Or send me a telegram. I wonder if they still do telegrams? I would love if you sent me a letter. I love those things. Getting a letter in the mail is one of my favorite things.


This is just really something - thinking about NOT writing my blog. This habit I've had - I'm about to stop cold turkey pretty soon.

Strange. Really strange.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Day 96

So....this may be Day 96, but it is the 200th post I have ever posted to my blog. This makes me happy.

Anyway, on a completely different note....please take a minute to read this:

My friend Tonya posted it to facebook - it is worth taking a minute or two to read about it and think about it.

I had to go back to work after just six weeks of disability ("maternity leave") - once Corinne was born. It was certainly not enough time. I miss her all the time. I think just having time to bond with your baby is important, at the very least.

There are a lot of things I think America could stand to change - it's diet, it's educational practices, and this are at the top of my list....but they're not the only issues. There are problems everywhere...but maybe your signature on the petition mentioned at the bottom of that above-mentioned article could help one of them.

That's all I have to say...oh yeah, and thanks, Tonya, for sharing that!!

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Day 95

I have a huge headache. My head is pounding sooooo much.

I'll make this quick.

I got the blood test done. I was so freaked out. Before we started the nurse started asking me questions to get me to be more comfortable and not think about it. I told her I had a baby in October.

"Oh, did you have a boy or a girl?"

"A boy."

"Oh, and what's his name?"

Pause. Realization.

"A girl. I had a girl."

Oh my goodness. I get way too freaked out by those things! Some people are afraid of heights, I'm afraid of needles taking blood out of my body. Oh my goodness.

OK I have to go. The sound of my typing is making my head hurt even more.

Monday, May 14, 2012

Day 94

Dear Blood Test,

We meet at 9:10 a.m. tomorrow. This will be a dual of wills. You'll be the sharp one, eyeing my left arm up and down. I'll be the one looking in the other direction.

Don't get the wrong impression. I'm not into getting all tied up in your gimmicks. But you are the only way I can get a discount on my health insurance. I should at least be nice. I should at least meet you - at 9:10 a.m.

I'll try not to pass out. And maybe I'll find out if all these veggies are doing me any good. I just hope we don't have to meet up for too long.

I might pass out.

Oh mannnnn. I don't want to go. But I'll go. See you tomorrow.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Day 93

I love Mother's Day!

Mother's Day is like another Christmas, or Valentine's Day! Someone from work emailed me and mentioned "Sloppy Kisses, cold eggs, breakfast in bed, homemade cards" made me want to cry it was so nice. She said she saves all of her gifts from her children. I know I will, too.

This year I WAS able to get a sloppy kiss from Corinne, but that is mostly because if her mouth goes anywhere near anyone there is bound to be some drool! We went out to breakfast in Rochester, we went to the Public Market and got flowers, then we hung out with my family.

And Steve gave me a charm for my charm bracelet!! It is an October birthstone, representing Corinne. I love it so so much.

It has been a very busy weekend (but let us be honest - whose weekend is not busy?! Even if you live alone and barely have any family I am sure your weekend was busy. I don't think I've met one person with a "slow" weekend. Seriously if only weekends were Monday-Friday and the work week were Saturday and Sunday....I think the world would just be a better place).


I just picked up the dog from "Camp"....and threw a load of laundry in (I'm still not to the bottom yet, people...but maybe it's for the best. Who even wants to know what my basement floor looks like at this point? Not me!)

Now I wanted to write really quickly before I went over to Steve's parents for Mother's Day dinner.

And - I just wrote for exactly three minutes. Time to go!

See what I mean? Busy, busy! I'm ready for the weekend already. Too bad tomorrow is Monday. Holy Moly.

Happy Mother's Day to everyone!!! Even if you are a Mom to a Dog or Cat - if you care for someone in a motherly way, I think you count, too! :)

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Day 92

It is so much fun to dress Corinne up. I cannot get over it. She was wearing a little dressy top with some pink leggings....and then she spit up all over it...and she's wearing a pajama-type of outfit...but...when we go to Rochester....I fully plan on dressing her up again!

That is right, we go to Rochester tonight! We're going to stay until tomorrow night. I thought, why not go see my mom on Mom's Day?? And then we'll be back for dinner at Steve's mom's house.

It will be my first Mother's Day. Well, last year I was pregnant on Mother's this is my first one with Corinne here. I just want to spend the day in Rochester.

Anyway - hope you all have a good day!

Friday, May 11, 2012

Day 91 

Quarter to 9 on a Friday night. My lofty plans are to fold laundry and go to bed. I wonder what will happen if I actually catch up and we suddenly have no more laundry. Will it be like on LOST with the Hatch? What will happen? 

My life is just as dramatic as cable t.v., if not more so. Someone should make a reality t.v. show on my life. Put me on Bravo, I won't mind. We can all find out together what will happen with this laundry. It will be a nail-biter for sure.

Actually, this reality-t.v. show of me really is sounding intriguing the more I am thinking about it.  We could all find out together, on t.v., if I get a sewing machine this year! And then we can all find out if I manage to create things with it that do not look like Frankenstein made them! 

And we could actually watch me bake cookies. I love it. I have no idea how I look when I do that. I just know that my kitchen ends up with flour all over it, and it stays in my hair through a couple of showers. That could be t.v.-able.

T.V.-able? I'm already making up words! Move over Jessica Simpson A-La 2004! Move over, hills! I will bring fashion to the screen! I'll bring back the scrunchie or something. Oh my God if the scrunchie were brought back?! Or that little wave thing people did with their bangs? 

I am telling you, people, this would be an interesting show. So much drama. My butt is like Kim Kardashian's butt. I can do this. 

I guess for now I'll settle for finding this one out on my own - hopefully I win my battle with the laundry tonight.

If I don't - well, that just means I've passed out on the couch watching old episodes of The Hills on netflix just because I reminded myself that show existed.

And if I do - I really have no idea what will happen. I'm not kidding, this is a pretty dramatic thing to happen! Ohh, I wonder what will happen......

Here I go!

Thursday, May 10, 2012

DAY 90

Oh my! I've been writing every day for 90 days! Holy Moly!

That makes me feel very adult. Following through on something I say I am going to do is very adult...I really think it is.

I've also been doing other adult things. Maybe on purpose, maybe just because it feels better to do an adult thing.

It actually feels amazing to do the adult thing. I really love it. I used to think being an adult you had to do a lot of boring things. You really don't - it is all in how you look at it. I once read an Ann Landers  - a reader wrote in and said things like, "I get myself pumped up and excited to do regular, normal, mundane things. I'll actually say to myself - "I GET TO do the laundry today!" That reader said her quality of life skyrocketed. I try to do that as much as I can. I really think perspective can make things better. I can't do it all the time - but for the most part I will say that it helps.

And I do love the results of doing the adult thing.

Doing the bills? It feels great to have those things in order.

Laundry done? Best feeling ever.

Just ate a salad? A feeling of accomplishment. Oh so nice.

I could make a list of a adult things I really love - ok, I will -

For example -

Putting winter clothes away in the basement and keeping the summer clothes in our drawers - very adult. And I cannot even express how good it makes me feel.

Keeping up with the laundry on a day to day basis - oh my goodness not only is that adult but that is amazing adult. I loveee it. It doesn't always happen, but when it does - it is so so so so so nice.

Praying more and going to church on a regular basis - it really feels nice. It feels nice to connect to God. It gives me hope and it makes me feel peaceful. Sometimes the choir gives me chills. I get hope for the next week - I get hope for the future - I get hope for all the people I pray for....and my list is growing.

Eating my vegetables. I've lost 6 pounds since I decided to lose more weight a few weeks ago! I'm loving it. It feels so much better to eat right and move around more than it ever did eating whatever junk I wanted and laying around more.

Setting goals, and following through on them: this means making things better around the house, writing more, being with my family as much as possible, exercising more - whatever I've been putting a goal to, I've been up to the challenge. And I'll keep going, too.

Going to doctor's appointments....and dentist appointments....and holding myself accountable for my own health. So much better than just not caring about health - I've been sick far, far less. These past two weeks I've had a bad cold....but this is the first time I've been sick since the Fall....and I used to get sick once a month at least.

Anyway you may think I'm crazy but it's just how I feel.

I think that woman from Ann Lander's column was 100% right - especially because there are so many people who are NOT able to do these things. SO many people who have disabilities, who are paralyzed, who do not have the support or the means to have a place of their own with things of their own, who may not have anyone at all to care for, or who might not feel the self worth to care for themselves. Those are the people I pray for....and I'm thanking God I can do those things that I can...for as long as I can.

And - Sidenote - While I'm at work.....while I'm away from my baby and my house and my family in general - and I want to stay focused because I'm glad I have a job - but I also want to go home - I entertain myself. I have started reading my emails in my head using a muppet voice. Professional emails explaining how protocols have changed are just so much better when Fozzy is reading them to you. Oh my I just had to say that. I thought it kind of went with that Ann Landers note - I GET TO read a million emails at work....hehe.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Day 89

Tonight I had lofty plans of folding laundry and discussing the family budget. The last thing I remember, however, is laying down next to Corinne, with Steve on the other side of her, just before her 8 o'clock bedtime. We were singing to her. She must have fallen asleep - and fuzzily, I remember Steve picking her up and putting her in her crib. I remember saying something like, "5...more...minute..."....and now here I am at 12:32 a.m. - I was sleeping that entire time.

THAT is a long 5 minutes.

 Maybe 8 o'clock should be my bedtime, too! Oh, that sounds delightful. So does going back to sleep. Goodnight everybody.