Day Six:

Six things I think about sometimes.

1. When we're all in nursing homes, there will be at least one Great Grandma Brittany - and there will be a lot of people in the home who like listening to hip-hop and Justin Bieber. No Great Grandma Louises listening to jazz. Well, maybe one or two. But...interesting to think about. Also they probably won't be playing chess. They'll probably be little old men playing video games and little old women talking about each other on their cell phones. Just a thought.

2. Sometimes, on a snowy Saturday afternoon, I'll have my mittens on because it is so so cold, and I'm alone in the car because I'm about to run an errand. Every single time this happens, for the past month, I have to listen to the Arcade Fire album "The Suburbs", and I turn it way up, and it feels as satisfying as slipping into a hot bath, or laying in the sun on a really bright summer's day. And that album can be pretty depressing and sad. But it just feels good to listen to it. I just really like it. I think about everything when I listen to that album. It is my current favorite, and I want everyone to know about it.

3. I always think I am the first to come up with ideas, and then quickly become crushed when I realize they are not only already made up, but used widely by everyone all over the world all the time. This happened when I came up with "Salsa Eggs" --(Huevos Rancheros, I see, when I google this, is not only widely known, but a Mexican Tradition). Maybe I'll come up with something that nobody has thought of; but this leads me to my next thought....

4. Has everyone thought of everything you've ever thought? I mean it more this way: is everything you can possibly think about, been thought of at some point by someone else, just because there are soooo many of us, and there have been so many of us, and there will be so many of us? Or, is that too limited? Will all the thoughts we could ever think never be completely all thought of because ideas and original thinking just are something that never can stop? Does that even make sense?? Or have you thought of this before, too?

5. Sometimes I think about string theory constantly. Like, what if there are a million versions of my next door neighbor, or what if in one existance Steve and Corinne and I live on a farm or something? I watch a lot of Nova. My mind wanders. It is an interesting combination.

6. I still feel like I am thirteen, a lot. I am motivated by things like chocolate cake and music and talking with my friends. I wonder if that will ever go away. I hope it doesn't.

Day Five:


If I had bubblegum that came with cards all about my friends and family, and why I love them, and why they should be famous, they might look something like these....
now, now, don't be mad if you're not in this little group - I'm sure you'll be mentioned at some point....if you're lucky.......or, by request, of course.




Whitney
Will dance around
all over the place
and isn't afraid
of a Wild Wednesday
(or worse)
Midnight Lovin'- -
Likes the Weather Channel
and sideways baseball caps
Corporate Powerhouse
Turkey Giveaway Queen
Cup-cake baking machine.




Erica
Unafraid of a 5 mile run
Stares making dinner in the face
and ends up with a five course meal of
--amazingness--
Raises a puppy with fluffy ears
in a world of snow and rain
Getting married this year
at the Berry Patch
to the man who shares her love of brand new chocolate chip cookies
and purest hatred of olives -green or black.




Julie
Will raise four kids
With the wave of a hand
and the prowess of a tiger
combined
Sees an unclean kitchen and shakes her head
it's clean in three seconds or less
Trampolines, bunk-beds, pigtails and practice
This is the stuff
of her days and nights
This is the stuff
(Fills the world with lights)




Amy
Two baby daughters
Sitting in a row
Mama and Daddy
watch them grow
She'll make them a fort
She'll bake them a snack
She'll work at the school
She'll knit them hats
She'll do it for them
She'll do what she can
and when the day's done
She'll do it again




Holly
Oh Creator of All Cakes Decorated
For the lands far and near
Oh Decorator of the cutest house
On the street she holds dear
She'll be there for her family
She'll be there for her friends
She'll teach the schoolkids music
And then she'll go to bed




Carley
Woman of many trades
Some that come to mind
Making her house into a home
and teaching the children rhymes
Planning for a wedding
When the summer's waking up
When the Day is long and warm
On the seventh of July






......And maybe someday, you'll find your name here in my little corner of these internets. You never know. Maybe you should stay tuned.....

Day Four:

A want ad

A Giveaway ad

An ad for an ad

(in that order)

Wanted:

An invisible person who likes to mop kitchen floors

Must be invisible so I don't feel like we have to talk

Must not like talking as much as likes mopping kitchen floors

Must not mind the following:

dog hair

cat hair

mom hair

dad hair

baby hair 

cousin john hair

and 

whoknowswhatelse

Must also not mind a floor that will collect dust

three seconds after you've scrubbed

andscrubbedandscrubbed

and 

scrubbed

and

(ugh)

scrubbed.

Any takers?

A Giveaway Ad--

Free!

Early mornings

Up before the sun

When the world is still dark

And snow piles higher than your roof

And you just want to roll over

And fall back asleep

Early mornings

Free! Free to anyone!

(I’ll take sleep in exchange, please.)

An ad for an ad:

Wanted---

A want ad

Effective

Yet

Short

A want ad

For

Daily massages

Cocktails

(or cookies)

and

Sleep

A want ad for me

A want ad for peace

Day Three: A letter of sorts.




An Ode to Chocolate Cake on the Eve of Valentine's Day.


Dear Chocolate Cake,


You're about to be baked. Steve is adding layer
upon layer
upon layer
upon layer
of chocolate and fudge and
(You are more layered than I am)
I just want to eat you now.
Why must you belong to someone else?

(Bake sales, I shake my fists at you  in the air ; 
both fists, for at least fifteen seconds
and my face, it is not without a scowl)


Chocolate cake,
oh chocolate cake
You are just batter right now
oozing into a pan
sticking to the wooden spoon
dripping on the counter
Hey batter
Hey batter
Heyheyhey


But soon you will become
a cake so warm 
and gooey
even the potholder
will want a chance at you.


Our potholder
so pitiful
with the small yet deathtrappy divet in its threads
has no chance at you




But that is no cause for a sigh of relief


For you belong to the Bake Sale


And you always will


And I sigh, because I know


You're just my taste.
You're just my type.


But I'll be fine
I think


Dear Chocolate Cake....
Have a nice (shelf) life.

Day Two: 


A ballad of my faults, in no particular order : 


5-I'm way too impatient, all the time. Anything that takes more than three seconds to do is a challenge for me.  


4-I have no qualms with taking the last cookie, cheese with a cracker on a tray, sandwich wrap, or brownie bite. If I like something, I just don't think about it. If it's unclaimed, I snap it up. Almost exactly like a hunting alligator in a swamp. Only my teeth aren't that sharp.


3-I am HORRIBLE at pairing up socks. I don't ever know where that stupid other sock goes, and I often think I'm pairing a sock in the right way and then later I notice something like one of the socks has a gray spot on the heel and the other does not, and it gets really annoying. For a long time I totally gave up and would only wear Steve's socks, which was NOT a solution because they were way too big and just did not look right. Socks are my enemy.


2-I eat way too much cookie dough. I really do. If there were a hidden camera on me while I was baking, it would be unanimously agreed upon by every single person watching that I probably shouldn't do that.


1-I hate talking on the phone to my friends and family. I know it is horrible. I LOVE my friends and family but it makes me so nervous I have to walk around my entire house while I talk. Texting is fine, and talking to strangers is great. But if you're a friend or a family member, just know I'll totally talk to you on the phone, but I'm hating every second of it and would much rather be communicating via letter on parchment paper or talking over the computer or texting or even etching something into a stone and sending it through UPS than talking to you on the phone. And this is because I am extremely weird and quirky.


0-The idea of giving blood makes me want to puke. Even when my eyes are closed and I'm getting blood drawn, it is everything in my power not to puke all over the person doing it. 


So.....


Anyway.......


Yeah....


Stay tuned for tomorrow's entry, folks........

I like to take on challenges. I'm going to voluntarily take on a challenge or two this year. First up: I'm attempting to be a better blogger. I'm writing an entry every day for 100 days. 100 days, I said.  Starting......now.


Day 1 of my 100 day challenge.


If I were the Queen of the world, I have a top ten list of things I would do (but I'd probably do some other things, too, because....I'd be Queen of the world).


In no particular order - my world as Queen:


10. I would make giant corporations my little bitch. (This means I would not allow them to crush the souls of the common man any longer!)
9. I would turn fast food places into roller skating rinks.
8. I would hold humungous charity-related events like field days and amazing races - all the time.
7. There would be a 3-4 day workweek. Max.
6. All student loans would be forgiven. Nothing owed. Only awesomeness would prevail.
5. I'd kindly ask everyone to do the following and see how they feel after: Please read Ender's Game, please listen to the Arcade Fire album, "The Suburbs", and please bake some cookies sometime and don't even try to not eat the dough. Just eat it with no guilt. Oh that is making me hungry just writing that. 
4. I would see if we could all hold hands around the whole world at once. Just because I'd be Queen of the world and could decree such a thing.
3. I would ask for bowling matches to take the place of wars, or at least for that to be tried sometime. Seems like a better option. And no one would be allowed to throw bowling balls at other people. But you can drink beer. And you can also sing karaoke. You can even Bowloake. 
2. I'd give incentives for people to eat better and work out - like instead of simply purchasing lotto tickets you can have your name in drawings if you run marathons or something fun like that.
1. I'd make footie pajamas into a fashion statement. Just because jammies are the most awesome.






;)

There once was a family who lived in a small, yet very comfortable house. There was a husband, who liked to play saxophone and had a keen interest in miniatures. There was a wife, who liked to dance in the kitchen and write down ideas she would think about, just for fun. And there was a baby girl, who liked to sleep in her mother and father's arms, and would sing if her parents, or her grandmother, or anyone else, for that matter, would sing.

They all disliked things, as well. For instance, the husband and father, he did not like when towels were folded in an asymmetrical way. And the mother and wife, she did not like when the cat would throw up. And the baby didn't like when the mother and father tried to clear out her nose with the little white bulb-thing with the pointy tube. She didn't like that one bit.

But despite all these things, the family lived together, and laughed together, and cried together, and leaned on each other, because they loved each other. And people who love do all of these things.

So, one day, it was a very snowy day, the family was cuddled up inside of the house.

The Grandpa came to the house with a box of donuts from the local baker. "Try this!" he said with a grin. "A cinnamin donut, right out of the oven!" 

There was no argument there. The donut was eaten, within one minute and thirty seconds.

"Delicious," the mother said.

"Delicious," the father said.

"Zzz", the baby said, for she was asleep in her mother's arms. She also smiled in her sleep, for this was one of her favorite activities.

After the donut was eaten, discussed, and decidedly enjoyed by all in the room, it was time to get down to business.

The drier was broken. 

For things in this little house seem to break often. And it is often a puzzling thing, to find out how they can be fixed.

So the father and the grandpa went into the basement and found there was a piece to the drier that needed replacing.

And off they went.

And the mother and wife wrote down what had happened, because that is what she liked to do, sometimes, for fun. 

And now she's written an entry for her blog in a different way, which is something she had been longing to experiment with.

Right now it is dark in the living room.

I am drinking Pomegranate tea.

The baby fell asleep again, while I was washing out her bottle.

She woke up at 5:30 this morning.


She brings me peace.

I haven't written in a few days, and I have so much to say.

This really has been a very busy week. 

Rather than writing a post longer than the Illiad, I will choose to write a post here and there over the next few days, to empty out all these thoughts filling up my mind (so I can make room for more, of course. It's getting rather crowded with thoughts in there).

The first thing I wanted to post is a poem by e.e. cummings, along with a quote from a song by the Beatles. They both sum up one thing I've been thinking a lot about: letting things go, so that life can be okay.

I have always tried to "go with the flow" as much as I can.

Lately I have seen in my own life and in others, so many things happen that seem so overpowering, and daunting. There are so many people going through life as if they were - what looks to me - traveling with almost insurmountable mountains in their way.

And it is very scary, and very real. And I want to help them all, but I don't know how of course. But, I do know that I took the advice of this poem once, a few years ago - and my life changed. I learned to let some things go - and so much happiness flowed into my life, it was like a spicket of water that just kept on coming.

After I let go of whatever was getting to me, Stevie came into my life. He really picks me up when I'm down, and is a great sounding board for what I'm thinking about (although, you guys are, too of course!), and really helps me to push a picture back into perspective, if it has fallen out of whack.

And Stevie came into my life after I let things go. 

And then I was working for years doing something that just took everything out of me, and made me really sad, a lot, and then I let it go.









And my new job came into my life, that I love more and more every day, working with people who really make me happy, too.

In the middle of all of that, a baby came into our lives. And she has changed both Stevie and my life, by a billion trillion times, and making our lives a billion trillion times better. 

(I want to go to Church every Sunday for the sole purpose of thanking God for our baby girl. And then the things that happen in life - the things I see happening to other people - that makes me want to keep praying, too. For everybody.)


So, my point is: if you let it go, you'd be surprised what happens to your life. And I think you know what "it" is...whatever "it" is. 

And also there are so many ways of letting "it" go. Anyway - this is highly recommended.


Here is the poem first - "Let it go" by e.e. cummings.
 

let it go - the
smashed word broken
open vow or
the oath cracked length
wise - let it go it
was sworn to
go

let them go - the
truthful liars and
the false fair friends
and the boths and
neithers - you must let them go they
were born
to go

let all go - the
big small middling
tall bigger really
the biggest and all
things - let all go
dear

so comes love

And, of course, the Beatles quote is "Let it be". Same message. Great, great advice.

Stevie and I went out to dinner, just the two of us, for the first time in months on Saturday. It was a Christmas gift from my older sister to babysit.

We stayed out exactly two hours.

It was hard to stay away from the little girlie! But, it was fun. We went to a Mexican restaurant, and it was muy delicioso if I do say so myself. 

It has been a very busy week, and it is only Tuesday. I JUST have finished all chores for the day. I think I'm going to go read a half a sentence on my Kindle and fall asleep.

Goodnight, folks.

When do people stop saying how old their babies are in months?

I once met a person who told me her child was 43 months old. 

I still don't know how old her kid was.

I am thinking after a year? Or, you might say "A year and two months"....or something?

It is 4:30 in the morning....I woke up at 3 to feed Corinne....but we both slept for 7 hours! It was great! We went to sleep at 8 pm....then she was up for about an hour while I fed, changed, burped, changed, fed, burped, swaddled, rocked her, fake fell asleep while I rocked to try and trick her into sleeping, delightfully realized it either worked or she was just still super tired and then put her back to bed. 

Then, I checked some email, had the feeling it was September, realized it wasn't September, and then thought..."I should go back to bed."

And then I thought, "I'm totally going to write in my blog first."

And then I did.

And that is the story of my last hour and a half.

Before I go - just wanted to thank the "fans" for all comments! I really appreciate them! You guys are the greatest! ;)

I fell asleep tonight at 8:30.

Then I woke up to feed Corinne at 1:20.

I am going back to bed soon, but I wanted to write something while I was up.

So...here is a quick list.

5 things you may not know about me:

5. When I don't wear mascara, it looks like I have no eyelashes. I used to HATE that. Now I kind of don't.

4. It took me four times to watch the first Lord of the Rings movie. I always fell asleep when we were still in the Shire. Shire. So comfy there.

3.  My whole life I wanted to go to Disney World soooooo much. Then I married Stevie, and his family goes every other year.

2. ee cummings is my favorite.

1. When I was pregnant, I actually ate pickles and ice cream one time. And it was delicious.

 

I should be sleeping right now.

I know I should.

But you know that feeling, when you should be sleeping, and you really want to sleep....but you just can't?

My mind is racing.

I'm listening to the Suburbs album by the Arcade Fire. It makes me so emotional.

Right now "Half Light 1" is playing.

Corinne is sleeping, and Steve is playing a video game.

The house is clean. I am covered in a pretty thick blanket, it is over my head. It is six degrees outside. 

The kitchen light is on; it is warm and dark in the house where I sit.

I just ate some pudding - you know that dessert with the vanilla and the chocolate and the graham crackers inside that get soggy and delicious.

Ever since Corinne was born, I feel time pushing me forward even faster than it did before. 

It feels like a hand pushing me forward.

Sometimes I feel like the Squire from the Sword in the Stone. I feel like I am making guesses as to what I should do next, sometimes. And it almost feels like Merlin is there telling me what I should do next. And Merlin is like my conscience. 

I had too much caffeine today. 

This is what my thoughts are like when I have too much caffeine.

(2 and a half cups). 

Choppy -

Fast ;

Overlapping....

It's already 11 o'clock pm.

This is what I mean. It's already 11 pm and I'm 27 and Steve's 28 and our two month old baby is asleep in the basinett.

And now I'm listening to "Suburban War" by the Arcade Fire.

I don't want this moment to end, so I start writing.

And I try to explain the emotions I'm feeling, but sometimes I really think there are no words to express that - and I do not think it is cliche to say because how can something be cliche if it is how you really feel?

Although, even though words can't always express exactly what you are thinking down to the tears behind your eyes...sometimes they at least can come pretty close.

I feel like I want to hit the brakes and just exist right in this moment for a little while more.

11:03. Time goes so fast.

When I was in 7th grade I went to the zoo and I looked out the window in the car and it was raining and I thought to myself, "I wonder how long it will be until I am old and gray and thinking about this moment."

It is already 15 years later, and all I did was blink.

And so many changes happen in a blink.

So many people coming and going. So many rooms you are in, so many skies you sit under, so many sounds and lights and smiles and tears and held breaths and closed eyes and exhales.

Sometimes Corinne laughs one second and then cries the next. 

I call it happysad. Corinne is feeling happysad.

I feel like that all the time.

I don't want moments to end. I don't like saying goodbye to people. I don't like not knowing what to say. I don't like feeling like I am digging my heels into the road and dust is billowing up into the skies like a coyote and road runner cartoon.

But I don't like all of that because I am happy to be here, to know what I know and who I know and it's all too complicated, but really, really simple.

I write this for so many reasons. I really do write this to be closer to you guys, and maybe to understand myself more, and maybe to just help me exhale sometimes.

I do find it more interesting and intriguing than I can ever explain that tomorrow exists.

Or this moment. 

I probably say that a lot, but it is like I live in a book.

A world where a person might know all the answers about the universe and galaxies and infinities infinities and what all that exists in....who is trapped in his own body, like Stephen Hawking...he feels like a character in a book to me.

Giraffes and Elephants feel like exotic made up creatures from a book.

Sitting in my living room talking to hundreds of people at one time is like something from a book.

I guess I am easily amused.

Or maybe I just feel like a lot of people do...

I'm going to try not to be so sad about the passing of time.

There is so much ahead of me, I have no time for that, anyway.

I guess.

Time travel really is difficult. Especially forward.

Went to the grocery store the other day
New Year's Eve - so cold, so gray
Not the weather I mean, but the stone hearted people
driving through the steets like mean little weezels
With little beady eyes and eyebrows pointed down
Facing all of that, I should have earned a crown!

Who is that I see?
Don King? The Flea?
An oranguatang man over there, by the teas?

Doesn't matter at all, they're all going a million miles
even though there is no room for such movement in these aisles.


OH no! Forgot the cheese. Got to go back!

The holidays, the holidays, they bring out such the meanies
who park in all the spaces
and bump into you
buicks kareening

and once you're in the store
then it gets worse
the aisles are clogged with toady trolls
and castlevania jerks

what should take ten minutes
takes one thousand fifty-two
and when it's all over
make sure to adjust the rear-view

for before you are ready
to drive out of sight
you've got to brave the parking lot
and all the traffic lights

but finally when you're home
and you're unloading your loot
you can let it all go
unwind and reboot

and if you're like me
alive to tell the tale
you can write a little poem
and breathe and exhale

because by the time you write this
the holidays are through
and if you're lucky some Christmas wine
is left, also, and too.

Right now Corinne is stirring a little bit in her carseat, but she REALLY wants to stay asleep. I can tell by the way she's keeping her eyes shut. So, Steve and I have decided we're going to take a little break from our day while she's asleep, and as soon as she wakes up...Bam! We'll be right back at the day like contestants on Supermarket Sweep.

As soon as she wakes up, my plan is to feed her, play, and then when she falls asleep again I'm going to do laundry.

Steve is going to go to the gym and run around town a little bit for some errands.

Tomorrow he's taking a half day, so he'll be with her all afternoon. 

I'm so jealous.

But, they are going to have so much fun, I know it. 

I just checked my email really quickly....I had written about a writing festival, to get a catalog....they wrote back, saying "It would be great if you could send us your address."

It made me laugh....at least if your mind is a little bit gone, there are people in the universe who will remind you what you need to do...at least sometimes.

Corinne slept through the night again last night! She did for a few days, then she didn't for a few days, then she did again...so we'll see what happens tonight. She is my dear.

I've been writing letters to her. I can't stop. I love to write to her. I talk to her all the time, but I like to write to her too. I write so that I can be closer to people....and I write all the time for her, because I love her to pieces.

Anyway....I'm listening to Gillian Welch right now on Spotify....and she's still sleeping. She loves music. 

Just a little side-note....I've noticed that every time I listen to a song on Spotify it shows up on Facebook under Steve's name....so it is posted over and over again all of the musicals I've been listening to and other random music....I wonder what his friends think about that. If you were wondering about that: it was me all along. I'm the weird one....well, at least in this instance. 

I still can't believe Steve surprised me with a Kindle. 

I think I'm going to buy "The Hunger Games" if I can't borrow it from someone. And there is a new Tom Perrota novel I'm thinking about getting. If you have book suggestions, please let me know.

Along with my ideas book that I keep, and my blog, and my letters and whatever else I write, I love to read (especially to get more ideas for writing)....I'm getting better and better at squeezing in time for reading and writing and working out and whatever else I really want to do....it just means I'm doing these things at obscure times...which I think is a lot like taking your life and pressing pause and opening up a hole into a space and crawling inside of it and just doing what you need to do for a little while then crawling back out of that invisible hole and re-starting your life up.

I wonder if that made sense to anyone else but me.

The only ramifications of that which I can find is I may be a little tired the next day, like if I am doing something I've been meaning to do for whatever reason at 3 a.m.  But, I am sure people who use time machines if those people ever exist get tired too. It's just the name of the game.

I did wake up at 3am the other morning to feed Corinne and it was just before Christmas and I panicked because the kitchen sink was still full of dishes and so I stayed up until 5 am doing chores, fell back asleep and then got up for work shortly after. So that was kind of like what I just described.

ANYWAY

If time machines did exist (or if it were commonly available to use one) I would so not use one by the way. I am terrified of time travel other than forward like I have been doing my whole life. The very idea of going back in time is terrifying to me: what if you get trapped? what if you have to meet someone you know at a whole other stage of their life and you hate what you see? what if you get trapped? what if you alter history forever and you didn't mean to and a really bad domino chain happens? what if you get trapped?

These are the questions that ran through my mind before I saw Back to the Future. 

I was terrified of those movies until one day around this time last year I faced my fears and watched them.

They are AWESOME.

Except I don't really like Jennifer's character she's a bit one-dimensional and doesn't ask any of the right questions ever. She's like a little robot if you ask me.

But really they are very good. Even though technically I never saw the last ten minutes of the third one and to me Jennifer is trapped in the wrong time somewhere still and that is EXACTLY what I was so terrified for so long and still am. Oh my God that is ironic I didn't even think of that until I was writing this down.

I'll have to rent it and abolish that fear as soon as I can. 

Maybe I'll do that at 3 am.